Before making a crocheted rug out of super chunky yarn, measure the clearance under your bathroom door.

It dunt fit.  :(  Bugger.

This fits though.

It’s the exotically named 109-3 jacket in ‘Alaska’ with cables, raglan sleeves and hood from Drops.  I don’t know how they come up with these names, I really don’t.

Because the yarn was all so cheap, I thought I’d buy two cardie’s worth at once and have a nice purple cardie for home and a nice blue one for work.  The other cardie uses two different yarns and while one of them turned out to be the exact blue it was in the photo, the other one is a quite decided purple, so my nice blue cardie is turning out to be a questionable mottled cardie.

At least I’ll have something to wear when I have my temper tantrum on my ill fitting rug.

AWESOMEZ!

Sweet Tee from IK Spring ‘09  but with AWESOME pirate skullz instead of girly wet flowers.

Go knit one.  Go knit five!  I used the recommended yarn on the recommended needles, and didn’t change anything except for my Mighty Skullz and it’s perfect.  I was a bit worried when it came off the needles as the neck was very loose and floppy, but I gave it a wash and did I mention IT’S AWESOME?

There’s a knack to taking a decent photo of yourself (in your secret identity fake human suit) on a cloudy day in a mirror.  It’s not a knack I possess.

But look at my top!  Look at my skulls!  Join me in a rousing YO HO HO!

YO HO HO!

‘A Curved Shawl’.  It’s not a very imaginative name, is it?  It’s not even particularly descriptive.  It makes no mention of the pretty little circles that lure you in, or of how fricking hard it is to knit into a loop cast on in laceweight yarn, or how mind numbing the pattern is, or how long it will take you to wade through for such a tiny thing, or how you’ll order some yarn for a new pattern you spotted and want to make immediately so you force yourself to race through the sucktastic knitted on border just so you can wait for a week for your yarn to arrive because because first class signed for is translated by the sorting office to mean third class dumped on doorstep.

I hate this pattern.  And another thing.  VLT always makes me think of VPL.  The Victorians have a lot to answer for.

The pattern I was hankering after was that there Sweet Tee from the latest IK.  But not with silly girly flowers.  Oh no.  I’m putting in piratical skulls and then I’m going out on the rampage.

I have a special tip for this pattern.  It seems they sell the yarn in 50g balls in the US, but 100g balls over here.  At least I don’t need to worry about running out of yarn.  It’s deeeeeep purple, not pasty blue.  I’m not a pasty blue pirate.

I’m only up to the sleeves and I’ve taken a week off since then.  You see that brown background?  That’s my new sofa.  It’s huge and wonderful and a palace of comfort.  Of course, I had to clear off the old sofa so we could shift it out of the way.  The old sofa was broken and rabbit chewed and was covered in chocolate stains (Hence the new brown sofa.  A pre-stained, labour saving delight.) and piled up with all my knitting stuff.  It turns out it was also filled with most of my missing stitch markers and quite a lot of Coco Pops.

So everything went upstairs and I camped out on the floor to wait.  And it arrived and it was wonderful and I lounged and I snoozed and I read and I turned my hand to wooing Vaughn in Harvest Moon, that cowboy is hard work.  I might go for Denny instead, he’s crazy for fish, but I reckon he probably smells.  Pierre is pretty easy, but he eats too much and you just know that Vaughn has to be covered in rippling broody muscles, while Pierre will be a pale fleshy blob. Plus he’s got a Willy Wonka fashion thing going on and it’s a little disturbing.

Anyway.  When I went back to gather up my knitting, all the yarn was tangled and the balls were collapsed and, well, meh.  So I read a book instead.

I finally found a decent sub for Rowan Big Wool that’s a more appropriate sort of a yarn for a bathroom rug, so I made a start on the crocheted Round Floor Rug (another imaginative name there) from Essential Crochet from Cygnet Seriously Chunky.  It’s not glamourous but it’s not going to felt any time soon.

Please bear in mind the size of my mighty sofa.  The rug is bigger than it looks.  I should have included a monkey for scale.  I’m at the point now where I have to start paying attention to the pattern again, so I think I’ll have a look at untangling my Sweet Tee yarn instead.  It’s called structured procrastination and it’s the only way I get anything done.

Ooh.  I’ve just noticed that the purple yarn next to it is now the purple that it actually is.  So there you go.  That’s my pirate purple.

http://www.johnlewis.com/230476982/Product.aspx

And that’s my sofa.

Imagine how classy I’ll be at late night shopping with this little number.

Lights on…

Lights off…

Pretty sweet, huh?  Fashions go out of style, but style never goes out of fashion, and I practically ooze style and good taste.  But the doctor’s given me a cream and promises it will clear up by the end of the week.

I have a Tree House to paint. :o(

I’m mostly back now and I brought a little friend!

I’m not sure having a dead mouse glued to the wall gave the best impression to the kitchen fitters, and they made a point of leaving him there for us to peel off ourselves.  Apparently mouse removal was not included in the price.   With recession looming large, you’d think tradespeople would be a little keener to please their customers.

I’m sure you’re aware you missed my birthday too.  It’s ok though.  You can get me a better present for Crimbo and I’ll let you off the hook.  Otherwise the hook stays in and you can keep swinging for another month.

Look what I got though!

Just so you don’t miss out on the HILARIOUS pun, those are FREUDIAN SLIPPERS! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  There’s some pirate cutlassery, a remote controlled zombie (could have done with him when I needed that mouse eating), Bag Style, a book to collect my Precious Thoughts in, the first series of Old Harry’s Game, a new red DS, and in the middle is some laceweight that’s going to become these, and a bunch of stuff that turned up after I took the photo.  Ooh, I got weird sweeties that mess with your taste buds.  I’m thinking of hiding some in the Crimbo dinner.  Maybe they’ll make sprouts bearable.

So Giftmass is coming, but I can’t be arsed with knitting presents this year, so I’m going to pretend to be poor and get away with some cheaparse presents and everyone buying me lovely stuff to cheer me up.  I hope no one I’m related to reads the blog.

I did knit this for the Crimbo party though.

It’s the two toned shrug from fitted knits, but with Rowan Shimmer in the ribbing to make me look all glam.  It’s pretty stretchy so I should be able to hide a fair few sausage rolls down the sleeves.  I’m going to avoid raiding the cheese and pineapple hedgehog after an unfortunate incident last year involving a cocktail stick and the Spanish Ambassador.  I was able to pay him off with a box of Ferrero Rocher, but it was a close call, and I’m not made of rice crispies.  I wish I was.  It would be awesome to be that crunchy.  A bit risky at the seaside though what with the ever present threat of seagulls.  I’ve heard you can explode birds with rice, but does that work if it’s already popped?  Probably not, and I’d not want to lose my leg for the sake of experiment.

I spent some of my birthday pennies on some of that there self striping Fyberspates malarky.

I think it might be witchcraft.

You get buggering loads of it.  I had enough for socks and a dreamswatch headscarf.  It makes me look like a flowerpower hippy, so I haven’t worn it to work yet.  They have an impression of me as being a tiny bit scary and unhinged and I don’t want to ruin that by having them think I like peace and hugging.  They might try and touch me and then I’d have to cut them, and that always leads to awkward social situations and screaming.

We went to the Interknit Cafe on my birthday, and as a special treat the Professor let me buy him some yarn so I could make him a hat.  I’m terribly spoiled.

Do you know, that furry bugger still hasn’t made me my birthday cake?

The only other thing I can remember that I made was a scarf from some alpaca that I think came from Peru or somewhere.  I don’t know.  I don’t care anymore.  It’s not important.

It’s this one, without the fringe and in fuzzier yarn, but otherwise identical.  Apart from the colour.

Now.  If you’re in Blighty, have you seen those Trevor Sorbie ads for the hairdryer with the stuff you put in that does something or other to your hair and he wants everyone to buy them and be shiny?

Right.  Well look at this and then ask yourself if you really want to coat your hair in whatever it is he’s pushing.

No.  I didn’t think so.  Probably what happens is when enough people have shiny hair a chain reaction is set off that blows up Paris.  So very predictable.  Blofeld/Blowdryer.  Does he take us all for fools?

I waited and waited for a sunny day, and I woke up this morning and there it was.  So I grabbed the camera, arranged things in as arty as way as I could be bothered, i.e. not very, and bugger me if it didn’t start pissing down.

Hey ho.

Have I posted this one already?  I can’t remember.  It’s Norah Gaughan’s Spiral Scarf from Knitting Nature.  Except it’s not Norah’s, it’s mine.  She could probably have it if she wanted it.  I don’t really like orange.  Which leads me to wonder why I bought orange fibre in the first place.  Anyhoo, it’s handspun from my Wingham stash, and it gives a rough impression of what the pattern would look like if I’d been paying attention, but I wasn’t, so my hexagons aren’t necessarily the right size, nor are they necessarily attached in the right place.

More handspun.  This time it’s that colour changey stuff from the Dye Studio.  I spun it all the way through in one direction, and then back again, and then made a 2-ply lining up the colour changes against each other.   I’m really happy with the way it came out, and the finished scarf is very flumpy indeed.

This is Terttu in Touch yarns laceweight.  Not much more to say about it really.  It’s red and it has holes in it.

Finally, there is Sahara.  The photo is shite, but the jumper is lovely.  It’s Airedale Aran from Texere.  I was going to use it for the Simple Knitted Bodice, but there’s no frigging way I could get gauge for the lace section and Sahara had far saner requirements.  I made no mods and it fits perfectly.

THAT IS ALL!

300g Knitwitches silk + 12 days knitting = another spidery shawl. This time the full hexagon spider’s web from VLT.

If you’re making this one, be warned. The yardage printed is a gross underestimate. I had more yarn than the pattern called for and still had to stop early and forgo the crochet cast off.

I haven’t blocked it. It’s huge. See that futon it’s on? That’s where I block. It’s already the width of a double bed so I’m buggered if I know where I can pin it out undisturbed for a couple of days. I need a frame I think. Or a spatial distortion device. It’s only really the outer cobwebby bit that needs a spritz and a stretch, the middle is mostly ok apart from the odd iffy stitch.

It’s very hard to get a decent photo of it as it’s so very large and I’m only three inches tall.

Still, at least it should catch a fair few flies.

And now I am returned to that twilight world of Between Projects.

I remembered how to knit!

No one is more surprised by this than me. There was a lot of chocolate for a little monkey to get through and I must confess I was a bit overwhelmed there for a while.

But I’m back and I brought socks.

I think the green galaxy is a little more convincing that the red galaxy but not convincing enough to convince me that I’m convinced. I don’t think I’ll buy anymore. If I want my feet to look like a galaxy I’ll just smear them in chocolate.

This is the imaginatively named Large rectangle in spider net from VLT. As you can see, it’s a large rectangle of spider net lace.

It was tricky to get a decent photo on account of I really couldn’t be arsed. The yarn is a deeper red than that photo up there, but it’s pretty close.

It’s Mama Ocllo Baby Alpaca laceweight from Knit n Caboodle in Merlot. Very light, but still pretty warm. It’s also two quid off at the moment on the website. This is coming on holibags with me in case I have to look posh in the hotel restaurant.  The holes will add extra drag compared to my usual cape, but that’s the price you pay for elephants elegance.

Do my feet look like Jupiter to you?

I’m not sure I’m convinced.

This one’s not much to look at, I know, but it’s the first of the New Pathways socks I’ve knitted, and it only bloody fits. There’s some strange mojo going on in that book, I tell thee. This one’s the Sky Architecture and I figured I’d try it out on the Professor first. No point in wasting my precious sock yarn if it all went horribly wrong. But it worked! No one was more surprised than me.

You work all the increases at end of the leg, turn the heel and then decrease all the stitches away again on the sole. No flap, no picking up stitches. Then, just as you’re weaving in the ends, a portal to hell opens up and steals your very soul.

My monkey mum’s mobius is all finished and ready for the off. I might just live to see another year.

I’m not much of a one for sewing, so I started with a provisional cast on and then put the other end on some waste yarn rather than cast off. I left a wee ball of yarn attached to the end and grafted the two ends together after I’d blocked it. Took ages, but far neater than if I’d sewn it.

I’ve use Jaggerspun Zephyr in charcoal, and it’s blocked up snuggly yet light. Should be the perfect scarf for a chilly spring evening and keep me in the will.

The Miski and the Cotanani were used up within a week, and so never counted as stash. I’ve bought New Pathways for Sock Knitters, so the Regia all now counts as experimental materials. I’m golden.

The gloomy grey about to snow sky means that my photos are mostly rubbage.

The Cotanani is now a Koolhaas to keep my ears warm during spring, and probably summer. And the Miski has magically transformed into Snuggles fingerless gloves, which are also getting a lot of use.

The yarn was so lovely that I bought the two Mirasol books as an excuse to buy some more. I’m gonna make me a Copacabana (she lost her youth and she lost her Tony but she’s got a lovely jumper) and a Malkini, which needs a zip. Bugger. The patterns from book two are a bit too summery for me to contemplate at the moment.

Copacabana

Malki

My Rowan membershit gift (and no, that’s not a typo) has been turned into a fat bottomed bag and it hasn’t turned out too terrible. I’ll prolly palm it off on make a generous gift of it to my mum for her birthday next month.

And just so I don’t get disowned, I have a Mobius Scarf on the go, pattern from Arctic lace. Not much to look at until it’s blocked, but it’ll be perdy when I’m done. Honest.

My camel is now named Helo, on account of it sounds like helium and that chap in Battlestar had a touch of the radiation sickness and probably would have ended up looking a lot like him if he hadn’t got off the planet when he did. Well, it makes sense to me.

And now the Professor is just about to disappear off for the weekend and I have a lot of chocolate and booze to get through before he gets home again. Mwahahahahahaha!