The Professor and I have embarked on an epic quest to search for the sauce of Gethro’s Hole! The Professor was down the pub the other week when an old bloke with a whippet started telling a tale of terror and stench such as could only be about the fabled hole. It turned out that the old geezer had an ancient set of maps purported to lead straight to the sauce of the hole but he was too afeared to search for it himself. And well he should be. We wouldn’t have gone ourselves except there was nothing on telly and I had a new tub of Vicks Vaporub to ward off evil spirits.
The maps told us that the sauce of the hole was buried deep beneath a castle so we flew in early so as to avoid the tourists who might thwart our investigations.
From the outset I could tell that the Professor was a little distracted.
We worked our way down into the information centre, to see if there was any hint that the owners knew what terrible foundation their castle had. They seemed obsessed with weaponry and armour, so we concluded that they did. In ancient times it is known that all the demons of the pit would rise from the hole in the witching hour. The castle must have been built over the hole so as to defend against the great evil within.
I could tell at once these were a good people. The holy mark of the anvil was everywhere.
Once again the Professor was distracted.
I was afraid that all his messing about was costing us precious time.
I was above such things, realising as I did the gravity of our situation.
Erm…We worked our way deeper into the bowels of the castle, the foreboding sense of evil growing ever greater. This was the last hint of sunlight so we sat for a few minutes to recover our energy before we pushed on.
Ever deeper we plunged and how the stench grew. We were having to take more and more rests now as it was hard to catch our breath. We little monkeys can only cope with so much and by now it had been a good few hours since breakfast.
The Professor was growing impatient for his scampi and chips so insisted that we hurry up and make the final descent into madness.
The miasma had grown so thick it was hard to see. We had to follow our noses and hope they didn’t lead us to our doom. Down and down we went, ever deeper, until at last we came out into an opening when faint tendrils of light managed to penetrate the dismal gloom. We had found it at last! THE SAUCE OF GETHRO’S HOLE!
It took some prodding and a quick run through the Professor’s portable Scanotron4050, but we can now say with absolute conviction that it’s definitely, positively, absolutely…
…BROWN!
